lovesbreakingbenjerman's Blog

      I sit here at 5 a.m, not being able to sleep at all. All I can think is "What if I have another nightmare?" Then what? I'll tell you what. The last time I had a bad dream I woke up not being able to breath, crying, and looking for my phone. I was looking for my phone because I needed to talk to the person the bad dream was about. Well they were asleep. So I didn't get to talk to them. That was last night. I have talked to them today, but I can't help it.
     I keep dreaming about when he was locked up and what that meant for his partner, me, and most importantly wnat he had to go though. He's told me a little bit, but the rest he says he doesn't want to freak me out.
     I dream, that I can't contact him for nothing, so I go to school like it's a normal day, and he isn't there. I get home, and his partner calls me and tells me that he's been arrested again and that this time they will keep him longerthen 10 days. I hang up the phone and bust into tears. All I can think is about what me and his partner went throught the first time, and how I felt. I refussed to let myself cry during that time. I knew that if i'd cried I'd want to tell someone, and I'd go running to the person closest to the guy, but I couldn't do that. He was a reck, and he cried to me. I was there for him, because I knew it was what I was suppost to do. I didn't lean on him, no matter how much I wanted to. How could I go though that all over again?
     Then I wake up and can't sleep at all.

I've pretty much been stuck at home for the days with an MRI sometime this week. My jack ass of a doctor tells me it's ok! There's nothing to worry about. knocks me out for five hours, and tells me to sleep though the migraines. When I do wake up? Still feel like shit. What fun!!!!

For all of you reading this that are younger then me consider this your warning! Everyone waits for their senior year, well guess what? It's not what it's all cracked up to be. I had an older sister that told me not to wish away my school career. Now I see why. They claim free education? There is no such thing as a free education. At all! I have ag fees. WE NEVER DID ANYTHING IN THERE. I have science fees thirty bucks to go to the lab and watch the teacher play mad scientist? Then there's the stuff for the actual graduation. Invitations, envelopes, name cards, that list gets longer. Mine? $200. Then senior fees from the school for your diploma, (told ya that free education stuff was bullshit didn't I?)  cap and gown, and things the school has to produce for the ceremony? 100 dollars. But the very best part of it has got to be watching a guy with a bright future drop out 15 weeks before we're suppose to walk the stage. For no good reason...I hope I can find something funny or interesting to post about soon. I know it's no fun to just listen to someone bitch.

     My first entry, so I'm not really sure what to say. I'm 18 years old, and have 2 younger sisters.I'm from northern Alabama, and want to live in Tennessee or New York City.
     I had never even thought about starting a blog till I saw you could be anonymous, then thought what better way to say EVERYTHING without the worry of someone saying something about it to my face tomorrow? I really hope you can just read...give positive insight and comments, knowing why I decided to open this account.